Tears of Love
by RPGfangirl
Summary: The one thing Quistis longed for, to win Squall's affection, has cost her everything. Her career, her friends, her home, her life is all sacrificed for his sake. When she moves on old wounds reopen and, as a result, bring dire consequences.
1. The Secret

Tears of Love

Chapter I "The Secret"

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Quistis always enjoyed the summer season, but that was before she lived in Esthar. Although the dry heat was bearable Quistis still hated to feeling of sweat pouring down her back.

Cringing, Quistis jogged up a short flight of stairs and bolted into her apartment. She shut the door quickly behind her as if the cold air would escape. Quistis sighed and fanned herself with the handful of letters in her hands.

A distant cry made Quistis regret shutting the door loudly. Another sigh escaped her lips as she lazily tossed the bills onto the kitchen counter and walked into her bedroom. The room was still dark due to the curtains blocking the sunlight from entering. The walls were bare, Quistis was never interested in posters or picture frames, her small closet was neatly organized and not a single wrinkle could be found on her bed sheets.

The distant cry became louder as Quistis stepped in front of the crib that stood next to her bed. "Shhh, I'm sorry." Quistis whispered, she reached down and gently picked up the kicking infant. Once the baby felt the warmth of his mothers arms he calmed and his crying ceased as he was wrapped in a cuddle.

The nineteen year old blonde headed for the kitchen, warmed up a bottle, and gave it to her eager son. As he drank, Quistis turned her attention to the bills she tossed on the table. Supporting her son's body and holding the bottle with both arms disabled her from shuffling through the letters, but one, that was on top of the pile, caught her attention.

The return address was unfamiliar, but it was labeled as being an official notice from Esthar's government. Quistis chewed on her lip from a sudden nervousness. What did the government want with her?

Since her resignation from Balamb Garden, Quistis decided to move somewhere far. Originally she wanted to move to Deiling City, but too many memories made her feel uncomfortable there. Eventually she decided to move to Esthar. Although she only visited the city for a short amount of time, she had to admit she enjoyed the high tech city. It was a massive place that was easy for anyone to get lost in.

Quistis found a small and comfortable apartment with a bunch of elderly neighbors. They've all been friendly, Quistis smiled as she remembered the swarm of baked goods she received on the first day she moved in. For about a year Quistis supported herself and her son with her savings. Even now Quistis did not have to worry about finding a job until another couple of years. As a SeeD from the age of fifteen, climbing through the ranks until finally becoming an instructor brought a lot of gil to Quistis' pocket. Unlike other SeeD's, though, Quistis never found any reason to spend her money. She only used it for extreme necessities, and she was never the type of girl to engorge herself at a mall.

Quistis was happy. She thanked Hyne she wasn't a struggling single mother. A nice apartment, friendly neighbors, enough money to provide food for her son, and spending all her time with him was great. She paid her taxes, she never really stepped foot outside unless it was for groceries, Quistis had been offered many dinners and coffees but Quistis never could bring herself to ask her neighbors to look after her child any longer than they did whenever she needed to leave the apartment. So what did the government want with her?

Once her son finished his bottle, Quistis' slowly paced in her bedroom while she waited for him to burp. Quistis placed him in his crib and he immediately fell asleep. She tiptoed out of her bedroom and _gently_ shut the door. In the kitchen she started the oven and cooked herself a classic breakfast of eggs, sausage, and toast with a warm cup of coffee. As she ate she opened the letter and grew surprised to see that it was from Laguna.

_Dear Quistis,_

_I heard that you've been in town for quite some time now and I also heard it's not SeeD related. How would you like to come visit me? I would really like to see you. Just come by HQ and tell the receptionist your name. Don't worry about when, I'll drop whatever I'm doing. Hope to see you soon! _

_Sincerely,_

_Laguna_

A thin eyebrow raised. Quistis wondered how Laguna found out she moved into Esthar. Then again he _is_ the president. Quistis obviously didn't have any plans for the day, and she had been growing a bit bored. Not that raising her son was boring, she loved him dearly, but there were some moments where she wished she was back at Garden...

It was decided. Quistis cleaned up, tossed the rest of the junk mail, posted the bills that needed paying on the small billboard she kept on the door and snuck into her room to change.

As she climbed into a pair of jeans and a thin, dark colored shirt, Quistis pondered on taking her son or not. A part of her wanted to leave him with the wonderful old lady next door that always offered to take care of him, but deep down in Quistis' mind she knew Laguna deserved to know the truth.

Sighing again, Quistis tossed herself on her bed and sunk her head into a pillow. Originally, Quistis promised herself she would keep her son's existence secret from everyone. That is why she left Balamb. She left so she wouldn't become a thorn, a problem. She shunned herself from Garden, her childhood friends, everyone. She just wanted to get lost in Esthar.

Quistis' hands twisted into fists. Grunting, she pushed herself off her mattress and dug into a drawer. She was going to take her son.

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The building was huge. The lobby felt even bigger than its appearance from outside. The refrigerated air was bless to Quistis' slightly sweaty face, but suddenly she felt out of place. People around her were all dressed professionally. Every man wore a suit and the women wore either suits themselves or long skirts with button down shirts. Quistis felt like a goth at a boy band concert, she was the only one with a plain shirt and jeans.

Cursing herself under her breath, Quistis adjusted her son in her arms and walked up to the receptionist.

"Hello." Quistis greeted with a smile.

"Good morning." the receptionist nodded, she tore her eyes away from her computer monitor and returned the smile. "How could I help you?"

"Err–I'm here to see Laguna." Quistis said. "President Laguna." She corrected.

The receptionist lifted her eyebrows in surprise. Normal looking people never had appointments with the president. She adjusted her glasses and turned to the computer. "Your name ma'am?"

"Trepe, Quistis."

The woman typed in the name, readjusted her glasses and she read the monitor. Nodding, she picked up the phone, dialed a number, and requested someone to come down to the desk.

Quistis grew a bit nervous. She still felt strange with her clothes. Her son started to whimper and she quickly bobbed him up and down.

A short, balding man appeared. "This way ma'am."

Quistis turned and realized the man was talking to her. She followed him into an elevator, waited several moments to reach the top floor, and was led to a large, luxurious office. Laguna was no where inside.

"The president will be with you shortly. Please make yourself comfortable."

Quistis thanked him and sat down. Her son started to complain, judging by the sounds he was making, he was frustrated. Quistis stood and started to rock him again as she paced around the room and scanned the office.

The walls in front of to Quistis' right were pure glass that offered a magnificent view of Esthar. The desk was made of glass and metal, the chair looked like it provided massages, and a mini fridge stood beside the desk. On top of the photo, Quistis noticed, was a framed picture. It looked old and worn. The photo was black and white, with a younger Laguna on it. Beside him was a beautiful, young woman. In front of them stood a little girl that Quistis recognized easily, Ellone. All three smiled broadly. Quistis felt a smile creep on her lips, she rarely saw Ellone smile so brightly.

The door opened and Quistis straightened her back.

"Quistis!" Laguna smiled. His hair was still long, it was neatly pulled back in a pony tail, and he wore a suit identical to every other man in the building. "It's so good to see you again–oh, who's this little one?"

Laguna stopped before he could hug Quistis and stared at the infant. Quistis chewed on her lip. "This is...my son."

"Wow, Quistis I had no idea!" Laguna bended his knees and chuckled as he made funny noises at the baby. "Nice to meet you little guy."

Quistis' heart rate increased. Despite the refrigerated air, Quistis felt her face warm up. Inhaling deeply, and holding her breath for a moment, Quistis finally said, "He's...also your grandson."

Laguna stopped making noises and stared at Quistis. He straightened up and his jaw opened slightly. "How...how do you–"

"Know?" Quistis finished. She chuckled slightly, it was her nerves. "I've known for a while. Squall does too, but he pretends to be oblivious to it."

Another moment of silence fell, besides the baby's noises. Quistis licked her lips. "He's...he's...um..."

"My grandson." Laguna whispered. It was obviously unexpected. A part of him thought a bunch of his co-workers would jump in and shout "surprise", but nothing happened. The look on Quistis' face said it was no joke.

Smiling, Laguna asked, "Can I hold him?"

Nodding, the blonde handed the baby over. Laguna held him carefully. He never really held a baby before and he felt as if he was holding him wrong. The baby was small, his eyes were scrunched tight and his hair was too short to be combed. He wasn't a blonde, like Quistis. His hair was brown.

Laguna chuckled. "He has your eyes."

Quistis nodded. Suddenly she felt like she would faint. She stumbled slightly, but Laguna caught her.

"Are you all right?" he asked. He led her to a chair and fetched a water bottle from the mini fridge. "Here, it must be the heat."

Quistis thanked him for the water and took a long gulp.

Laguna pushed the chair beside hers so that it faced her. He sat and kept his grandson on his lap. There were so many questions swimming through his head, but he didn't know which one to ask first.

"Does Squall know? I mean..." Laguna kicked himself mentally. It wasn't exactly the first thing he wanted to ask.

"No." Quistis whispered.

Laguna's eyes widened.

The ex-SeeD sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that day. "He doesn't know. I...don't want him to know."


	2. Vivid Memory

Tears of Love

Chapter II "Vivid Memory"

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Laguna sat with his jaw nearly faltering. His quiet moment was suddenly interrupted by his grandson's frustrated cry. Terrified if he had hurt him, Laguna handed him to Quistis. Once the baby felt her arms he silenced.

"He really can't stand to be away from you for too long." Laguna chuckled.

Quistis didn't reply. She simply held her son tight in her arms and looked down on the floor, she couldn't bring herself to look up.

Laguna licked his dry lips. "Why...err–why don't you want Squall to know? I mean–was it–um–"

"I don't want him to know because," Quistis trailed off as she looked out the window. She almost didn't want to remember what had happened, it was hurting too much. But she promised she would tell Laguna. He, at least, deserved to know. "I know he's happier not knowing."

Laguna frowned. "How can you say that? I mean he'll probably–"

"I know Squall." Quistis interrupted. "I know what he likes, hates, what annoys him, and what he loves."

Laguna nearly inched his chair closer to Quistis for two reasons. One, she was speaking so softly he nearly couldn't hear her. Second, the suspense was killing him.

"Squall's happy. He's the commander of Balamb Garden. He's most famous for being the leader of the SeeD's that brought down Ultimecia. And he has his girlfriend."

The surprised look on Laguna's face nearly made Quistis smile. Chuckling sadly, she nodded. "Of course, Squall didn't cheat on her. He would never cheat on her. He loves her so much."

"But how did...um...you know."

The baby in Quistis' arms yawned and closed his eyes. Quistis maneuvered him so he would be more comfortable. Smiling weakly, the blonde took a long sip from her water bottle before she began her story.

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Quistis nibbled on her sandwich as she turned the page of a journal. She had been stuck in the library with nothing else to do but read on the latest journals about GF's and their apparent negative affects, especially on frequent users memories.

The eighteen year old finished her sandwich and felt her back cramp up. She placed the journal on the desk in front of her and stretched her arms above her head as she arched her back. After feeling the satisfied crack, Quistis sat up to clean off her study area. With the trash in the garbage can, Quistis returned the journal to its shelf.

"Hey, did you hear about the commander and his girlfriend?"

Quistis' ears perked. She stood up straight and pretended to search the shelf for another journal. Eavesdropping was rude, but curiosity got the best of her.

"No!" a girls high pitched voice whispered. "What happened?"

The girl that brought up the gossip, as Quistis saw through the gaps of the bookshelf, grinned. "Well you know the commander and his girlfriend had been so close since he saved the world and everything."

Quistis couldn't help but roll her eyes. Although Squall did lead everyone against Ultimecia, still he didn't do _all_ the work.

"Apparently his girlfriend dumped him."

The other girl gasped. "No! But they were so close!"

"It's true. She dumped him and took off."

Quistis didn't bother to continue eavesdropping. Never had she ever wanted Selphie nearby. The hyperactive girl _always_ had the latest gossip. Quistis barely reached the center of the Garden when she felt someone grip her shoulders. Looking up, Quistis was face to face with the very girl she was hoping to turn into.

"Quisty!" Selphie exclaimed. "Have you seen Squall?"

The taller woman shook her head. "Sorry, I haven't seen him. Is something wrong?"

Selphie let go of her arms, but her eyes got bigger. "It's terrible. Rinoa called their relationship off. She took the first train to Deiling, but we haven't been able to find Squall. He's not in his dorm, Zell's been knocking for fifteen minutes straight. By the second minute Squall would've punched him. Irvine and I have been searching everywhere."

Quistis nearly blinked in surprise. Selphie managed to explain the whole story in one breath. "Did you check the Training Center?"

"Yes."

"Outside of the Garden?"

"Zell left a few hours ago to search around Balamb City, but returned without any news."

Quistis knew there would be only one place he would be. "Could I help you guys search for him?"

"Of course, Quisty." Selphie smiled. "I was on my way to the second floor."

The older woman nodded. Once Selphie was out of eyeshot, Quistis headed for the Training Center.

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Squall, as Quistis suspected, sat alone in the secret area. He heard someone walk beside him, but he didn't glance to see who it was.

Quistis immediately noticed the dark circles under his eyes and his wet eyelashes. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but she couldn't figure out what to say. In all honesty, she could never understand how he was feeling. Sure, she knew how it felt to be rejected, but her experience was completely different than Squalls. Quistis was rejected by a one sided love. Or at least she thought it was love. She dismissed her feelings as a sisterly love, but her feelings were too complicated to figure out then. Perhaps that was the reason for Quistis' eagerness to stay busy. If she was busy she didn't have any time to ponder about her true feelings for Squall. However, Squall was rejected by someone he truly loved, someone that harbored the same feelings as he.

"Squall." Quistis winced at the sound of her own voice. She didn't want to say anything, but she lost control of herself for one moment and deeply regretted it.

Squall's shoulders stiffened. "Save it." He replied coldly. _Just leave_, he thought.

Quistis bit her tongue before she could say anything more. Nodding slightly, she started to leave, but she stopped at the doorframe. "If you ever...need to get it off your chest I'll...always be that _wall_ you can talk to. You may not believe it, but talking about it helps a lot."

With that, she left Squall alone to drown in his thoughts.

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The next few days Squall continued to sulk in private. Selphie, Zell, and Irvine always tried to plan ways to cheer him up, but Quistis promised them to just stay out of it.

"Just give him time to absorb everything. It may take some time, but just leave him alone for a while." Quistis had argued. Reluctantly they agreed, but Selphie promised she would still keep a close eye on him.

Squall took some time off from his duties as commander, and he refused a couple of missions. Quistis grew worried as she noticed his physical appearance grew worse. His hair grew long, he looked very strange with a beard growing, and he stopped going to the cafeteria for meals.

The others didn't notice, obviously since they were still kept busy with missions. But Quistis had nothing else to do but to watch him. Eventually, she started taking him some meals to his dorm. At first she would place his food on the floor and knock on the door before sprinting out of sight. Squall always opened the door, and he always took the food.

But one day Quistis decided to take her food to her dorm as well. SeeD exams were approaching and students only took time off from studying at meal times, so the cafeteria would overfill. Quistis wanted to have a peaceful meal, so she took her food to go, along with Squalls. When she reached his dorm, she was nearly scared out of her skin when Squall suddenly opened his door before she could knock on it.

Squall nearly looked like a caveman with his long hair and beared, and Quistis nearly giggled. "So it's been you. I had a feeling it would be you."

Quistis blinked. "I–uh–brought you your dinner." She offered him a bag filled with a burger, fries, and a canned coke.

Squall accepted the bag. He almost felt like shutting the door on Quistis' face, but instead he asked her something none of them expected, "Would you...like to come in?"

Mouth open in awe, Quistis stood shocked for a split second before she smiled weakly and nodded. She stepped inside and took a seat on Squall's bed. Although Squall didn't care for his appearance, he still kept his room clean and neat.

Squall sat by his window and dug into his bag. He started with his fries. Quistis followed his lead and unwrapped her burger.

They ate in silence for several moments. It killed Quistis, but she couldn't think of anything to say. And as weird as it was she enjoyed eating alone with Squall.

"She cheated on me."

Quistis nearly choked on her coke and spilled some on her shirt. As she dabbed herself with a napkin, she stared at Squall.

Squall didn't look at her, he kept his eyes glued to the floor. He already finished eating. Swallowing hard, he continued, "She admitted it after her trip to visit her father."

He stood up and tossed his empty bag in a trash can near his door. He walked back to his window and kept his attention to the stars. "She ran into _him_. Of all places, Seifer was staying at Deiling. They ran into each other and as kind as Rinoa is, she couldn't help but talk to him. They would meet frequently for meals, and Rinoa said she kept their appearances in a friendly manner. But _he_ got the wrong signal. He thought she was living at Deiling. He thought we were no longer together. Before they knew it, they slept with each other!"

Squall ended his last sentence by punching the wall. A huge feeling of pity swelled in Quistis' chest. She wished she could say something to comfort Squall, anything, but her brain continued to fail her.

Exhaling deeply, Squall turned and finally looked at Quistis. "This...feeling. Is this how you felt after I...after what I said that day?"

Quistis arched an eyebrow. Remembering what he meant, she opened her mouth in a small "oh". "No–I mean...well–kind of. But not as–"

"I'm sorry."

Quistis looked up in surprise with her eyes wide. She pinched herself and half expected to wake up from a dream. Then she looked down and said, "Don't be. Forgive and forget."

Squall sat down. Strangely, he did feel better. Half of him felt like swelling up in self pity again, but the other half felt relieved.

The ex-instructor stood up and tossed her empty bag in the trash as well. She kept her attention on Squall's bowed head. "I'm sorry about everything. I wish it hadn't happened. If anything, I'd do anything to help make you feel better. I can even bring Seifer's head on a gold platter if you wish, or if you prefer I simply bring him tied up so you can have the pleasure of killing him then that's fine too."

Squall smiled weakly.

Quistis really felt like she was in an alternate reality. First, Squall invited her into his room. Second, he apologized. And finally, he _smiled_. He never smiled to anyone or anything unless he was with Rinoa.

Thinking about her made Quistis' neck hairs stand up. Her hand balled up into a fist. She never really _liked_ Rinoa, but she was glad to see her change Squall and fill the gap in his life. Now, because of her, Squall was showing some signs of depression. Before she became aware of it, Squall asked, "Why are you crying?"

Quistis touched her face in surprise. Tears were falling and she didn't even feel them. "I...I'm sorry."

Squall snorted. "What do you have to be sorry for? I was the one dumped, remember?"

Quistis shook her head. "No, I just wished you wouldn't have to be going through this."

"What did you do...you know, to get over this feeling." Squall asked as he looked at himself in a mirror.

"You don't want to do what I did. I just ran away. I always kept myself busy so I wouldn't think about it." Quistis mentally kicked herself and placed her hand on her mouth. Why did she just blurt her secret out loud? After a moment she cleared her throat. "I can't exactly give you an instant cure, I can never understand what you're truly going through, but what I can say is that you're not alone. You'll always have the others. They care a lot for you. And you always have me. It may take some time, but everyone gets through it. Even though it may feel like you can never get over it, there's always an exit at the end of the tunnel."

Squall looked at Quistis. Before he always saw her as his instructor, and could never see her as anything on the same level as he. But after what they both endured during the war, he was finally able to see her as a friend, rather than his teacher. And now he started to see her in a new light.

"Now we may have to do something about your _hair_." Quistis grinned. She grabbed Squall's arm and pulled him into his bathroom. His shaving cream and razor were on the sink.

Again, Quistis couldn't control herself as she sprayed some shaving cream in her hand. When she faced Squall she smiled, "Trust me."

Nodding, Squall stayed quiet as Quistis shaved his beard. When Quistis said "ta-da" he still couldn't recognize himself in the mirror with his long hair.

The blonde woman opened random drawers until she found a pair of scissors. Then she pulled Squall and forced him to sit on the toilet as she clipped his hair shorter. She was no expert at cutting hair, but she had plenty of practice when she was younger. When she was a student she hated taking time to go to Balamb City for hair cuts, so she preferred to cut her hair herself.

Finished, Squall took a look at himself. His hair was still a little bit longer than how he normally kept it, but she feared of cutting it shorter and messing it up. Dark circles were still under his eyes, but those would go away within time.

Quistis smiled. "This is the first step to recovering. Now, the second thing you should–"

Squall interrupted by placing his lips over hers hard. Quistis pulled away instantly with a very shocked expression, but then her mind fogged. Squall's face was within inches of hers, his warm chest against hers, and she could still feel his arms griping her own. He pulled away and opened his mouth, most likely to apologize, but Quistis silenced him by pulling his shirt and placing her lips on his in return.

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The sound of a phone ringing startled Quistis awake. She sat up and regretted it soon after when she was hit by a dizzy spell. Groaning, she rubbed her eyes. The phone continued to ring.

Since when did she have a phone? SeeD dorms didn't have phones, and Quistis had no need for a cell phone. So where was the sound coming from? The ringing stopped and then Quistis heard Squall's voice. She couldn't tell if he grunted or asked "what".

Quistis looked beside her and her eyes widened. She and Squall were on his bed. As small as it was, they both laid on it comfortably. And worse, Quistis felt no clothes between her skin and the bed sheets.

"_Squall_?" Quistis instantly recognized Rinoa's voice over the phone.

Squall sat up in bed and gripped the phone tight. "Rinoa?"

Seeing Squall's naked body nearly made her feel nauseated. Did they sleep together? Now why couldn't she remember it? Just then more images of their activities the previous night nearly made her feel sick again.

"Ok, bye." Squall hung up the phone and got up. He didn't say anything to Quistis, or even acknowledge her presence. He stepped into the bathroom and started the shower. Then he asked, "Are you coming in?"

Sighing in relief, Quistis untangled herself from the bed sheets and joined Squall.

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That week Quistis never felt so happy. She and Squall never told anyone of their "involvement", and they never planned to. Squall still kept himself locked in his room, but he looked like he was getting some sleep again, and he started going to the cafeteria for meals again. He never tried to talk to Quistis again, but she didn't mind. She still knew to give him his space, but she never did get a chance to ask him what Rinoa wanted.

By the second week Quistis began to feel sick. The first day she dismissed it as a twenty four hour flu, by the third day she dismissed her illness as stress, she accepted an offer from Cid to fill in for an instructor that was on leave for a few days, even as a substitute instructor she was left with numerous grading. By the eighth day Quistis didn't just feel nauseated during the day, she began to feel sore as well, along with several other problems. By then Quistis feared the worse, pregnancy. She knew she and Squall used no protection, but she always thought pregnancy symptoms were present in the first week. Now she grew worried, but didn't want to say anything to Squall.

Going to Dr. Kadowaki was too risky, Quistis didn't want the whole Garden to know what she and Squall had done. He was going through enough already. So Quistis decided to visit a doctor from Balamb City. The doctor confirmed her pregnancy.

Nearly shaking with nerves, Quistis returned to Garden and searched for Squall. But when she reached the hall that led to the dorms she saw Rinoa approach her.

"Quistis!" Rinoa waved. She hugged Quistis tightly. "It's been so long since I've seen you. How are you doing?"

_I'm pregnant_, Quistis thought. "Great, I'm great. How are you?"

Rinoa smiled brightly and nearly jumped up and down, as something Selphie would often do when extremely happy. "I'm moving back into Garden. Squall and I had our problems, but now we're trying to work them out. We've gotten back together!"

Quistis nearly had to sprint for the nearest bathroom, but she kept her composure. She forced a smile. "That's fantastic, I'm glad to hear that."

Rinoa nodded and hugged Quistis again, which only made her feel more nauseated. "I'll see you around, I'm meeting Squall up in his office so we can talk to Cid about my return."

Quistis decided to head to her own dorm rather than Squalls. She threw herself on her bed and stared at her ceiling. What should she do? If she told Squall it could ruin his chance with Rinoa again. A part of Quistis said to hell with it and wanted to tell Squall anyway, he deserved to know. But then a bigger part of herself said Squall was better off not knowing.

Squall needed Rinoa. It took every ounce of strength and willpower in Quistis to admit that, but she knew Squall was happy with her. Despite Quistis' feelings for him, she knew his happiness was more important than her own.

Decided, Quistis sat up and felt her blood turn into ice. If she stayed news of her pregnancy would still surface eventually. Quistis considered lying, but who could she really say she slept with and got pregnant from as a result? And what if the child resembled Squall? Sure it may take several years to see any parental resemblance in a child, but Quistis couldn't afford to take any risks.

Sighing, Quistis knew what she had to do. If she wanted to keep her pregnancy secret, and keep Squall's happiness, she would have to leave Garden.

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Laguna sat, absolutely stunned. He had no idea what to say. "Quistis..."

The blonde woman shook her head. "I _want_ him to be happy. He's happy with her. If he knew, if Rinoa knew...I don't even want to think what would happen."

Laguna sat straighter and his face became more stern. "But it happened when he and Rinoa were separated, they can still understand."

Quistis shook her head. "They could or could not. I just don't want to take that risk, and I made my decision when I left SeeD."

Sighing in defeat, Laguna leaned back in his seat and massaged his temples. He of all people knew what it was like to go through life without knowing his own child, and he just didn't want to see his son go through the same thing. "What of your son? What will you tell him the day he asks about his father?"

"I plan to tell him the truth. I lied to Squall. I lied to my friends, my family, my home. I cannot lie to my son."

Laguna nodded. He nearly felt teary for Quistis, Squall, and their son. He hated to see this situation. "What if he wanted to see Squall?"

Quistis bit her lip. "If he wants to see him, then I have no choice but to come clean then. By then I just hope Squall and Rinoa's bond will be too strong to be scratched by my lie."

"Quistis." Laguna whispered. He knew he couldn't say anything to change her mind. She gave up and went through so much to turn back now. Funny how Laguna was able to see Rain in Quistis. Shaking his head, Laguna said, "If there's anything I can do to help, _anything_, don't hesitate to ask."

Smiling, the ex-SeeD shook her head. "Thank you Laguna, but I'm fine."

Laguna frowned. "Money? I have plenty, to help out with anything you need, or even want. You deserve to engorge yourself. Even if you need to hire a nanny, a maid, anything!"

"I'm fine, really." Quistis smiled. "I'm serious, we both live very comfortably."

Laguna scratched his chin. "Then, then let me at least offer you a job. Living off of your SeeD income savings can last a few years, but when he grows up and starts school you can work for me."

Quistis thought about the offer. She would need a job in a few years. "That sounds great, thank you."

"No problem!" Laguna grinned. "I have the perfect job and it'll always be available for you. And! And, consider this as a present for you and my grandson."

Laguna stood up and ran behind his desk. He typed into the computer for a moment and printed something out. He gave the paper to Quistis, which resulted in her eyes widening.

"Before you say anything, take this as a belated birthday gift to you both. I will _not_ take no for an answer."

Quistis stared at a picture of a beautiful small home. "But I can't–"

"No, no. You won't accept money, but you _will _take this house. Even if I have to get you kicked out of your apartment and warn everyone in town to refuse to give you a place to live I will."

Quistis laughed, and nearly broke into tears. "Alright, but I will have to pay for the utilities."

"Deal." Laguna grinned and shook Quistis' hand.

Standing, Quistis and Laguna hugged for a long moment before she turned to leave his office. They agreed she would need a few days to pack before she could move in, and of course for Laguna to take care of the paperwork for the house.

"Oh, before you leave Quistis, I just have one more thing to ask."

"Yes?"

"My grandson, what's his name?"

Quistis smiled. Looking down at the sleeping baby in her hands she answered, "Laramie."

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A/N: I apologize for the long chapter, I wasn't expecting it to turn out this long. If it's too long feel free to tell me so, I will gladly break it into two chapters.


	3. Surprises

Tears of Love

Chapter III "Surprises"

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Time was a strange thing, to some people, like Quistis, it was nothing more but an enemy. What felt like last month, Quistis remembered the joyous moment when Laramie took his first steps, or his first word: "mommy". Now, Quistis sat in a full room with people that were all present to celebrate Laramie's birthday.

"Mom! Mom!"

Quistis averted her attention from her son's birthday cake to his sprinting form. Laramie's hair swirled side to side as he ran, some sweat made his brown hair clamp onto his forehead, and he carried a large, shiny object in his hands.

"Look what grandpa gave me!" The ten year old boy shouted with a massive smile on his face. He held his prized gift higher to give his mother a better look, even though she identified what it was already.

"He gave you a gunblade?!" Quistis exclaimed, which brought everyone's attention to them. She would need a word or two with him later for giving her ten year old son a dangerous weapon. She didn't even want to know if ammo was provided as well.

"Mom, it's not real." Laramie whined. He slid his palm quickly across the edge of the blade, which nearly made Quistis' heart jump out of her chest. But when he showed her his hand unscathed, she sighed in relief. "See?"

Quistis smiled and kneeled so she could be more at eye level with her son. She knew why Laguna gave Laramie a gunblade, since he started school he fell in love with the weapon. Sometimes Quistis wondered if it was hereditary.

"Don't forget to thank him for it."

"I won't." Laramie beamed. He took a step back and started slashing the weapon around. "I can't wait to get a _real_ one."

"Not until you're twenty." Quistis reminded. But then she remembered something. Several months ago Laramie expressed an interest in joining SeeD. "Or when you become a SeeD."

Laramie stopped chopping the air with his toy and turned to look at his mother. A slight grin appeared on his face as he thought about joining SeeD. He had been wanting to become one ever since he found out both his parents were famous SeeD's. But then his face faltered with a frown. "If I join SeeD, does that mean I would have to leave home?"

Quistis' smile faded. The thought of her child leaving tore her to shreds, but she promised herself she would never stop Laramie from becoming a SeeD if he wanted to. "Yes. Students and SeeD's are required to live at their Garden."

Laramie fell into thought. Then his sky blue eyes lit up. "No, I don't want to go to Garden."

Quistis' eyes widened. "Are you sure? You said you wanted to join Balamb Garden, just like me and your father."

Laramie shook his head. "I don't want to be like dad. I don't want to leave you."

Tears started to form in Quistis' eyes, and she felt her chest grow heavy. She found it almost hard to breathe. She grabbed Laramie in a tight embrace and cried softly.

"Mom!" Laramie whispered. "Everyone's watching."

Quistis giggled and pulled away before she kissed his forehead. "Why don't you go and show your friends what your grandpa got you. We'll have cake in ten minutes."

Beaming, Laramie turned and sprinted to where his friends had circled around one of his other toys: a small hover board that Quistis had gotten him.

As Laramie demonstrated what he could do with the gunblade, Quistis joined the group of parents that were present. Immediately the women inched closer to the famous SeeD.

"So, Laramie has changed his mind about becoming a SeeD like his famous mother?" One woman smiled warmly as she sipped her coke.

Quistis shook her head. "I think he wants to join Esthar's army."

A man whistled. "I hear the army is tough to get into. It's just as bad as all of the Garden's."

"Don't you teach the soldiers, Ms. Trepe?" Another woman asked.

"Just Quistis." The ex-SeeD reminded with a smile. "And yes I do teach the new recruits." Ever since the large increase in monsters since Adel's release over ten years ago, President Laguna established a new order, an army that served to protect the city from the monsters. The job Laguna held for Quistis was a teaching position. After all, who would make a better teacher than a fighting prodigy?

"Ah, what are you talking about?" An elderly woman hissed at the man that spoke earlier. "Laramie has a famous SeeD for a mother. But dear, what of his father?"

Quistis blinked. She never expected anyone to ask of Laramie's father. She took a sip of her drink before answering, "He was also a SeeD. But he passed away during the war."

"Oh, I'm so terribly sorry for bring up such a memory!" The elder woman gasped. "Ignore an old woman's curiosity."

Quistis smiled. "It's nothing at all." The conversation changed to Laramie's smarts in school and his popularity. Perhaps he was partially popular because _the_ Quistis Trepe was his mother, but he was also very good with people and just seemed to attract people to him, just like his mother.

Straying from the cluster of adults, Quistis walked around the room as she watched the kids play a game where the children took the role of monsters and Laramie was none other than "the hero that took down Ultimecia, Squall".

Seeing her son brought a tang of pain in Quistis' chest. Laramie was the spitting image of Squall, he looked just what she remembered when they were at the orphanage. And now he had a gunblade, a toy gunblade, but now all he needed was a fur jacket, a massive collection of belts, and a scar.

Shaking her head, Quistis returned to the group of adults and decided to have fun. She then called the children to group up for the cake.

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A twenty-eight year old Rinoa sat comfortably in her private train compartment. She wasn't a SeeD, but she still received their benefits, obviously as she was Squall Leonhart's wife. She sat on a wonderfully cushioned couch as she glanced at her watch. She had been on the train for three hours and it still hadn't approach Esthar.

To pass time, Rinoa picked up her magazine _Evangelia_ and opened it to its center news story.

_The Famous SeeD's and Where They Are Now_

_By Talena Devan_

_Twelve years have passed since the defeat of Sorceresses Adel and Ultimecia and peace has yet to be disturbed. So where are our famous heros now? All, but one, are still hard at work at Balamb Garden. However, one of the more famous heros, or I should say heroine, Quistis Trepe has left the dangerous profession and has made a new life in Esthar._

Rinoa placed the magazine onto her lap, she read the article about a dozen times. The article continued with a short interview with Quistisand asked her about her new life in the big city. She didn't say much other than her satisfaction with her new home, new job, etc.

When Rinoa saw the article yesterday she literally fell out of her chair. Twelve years ago, when Quistis suddenly disappeared, she and Selphie made a pact together that they would find out where Quistis went, go and drag her back to Garden. Or, they would at least visit and talk to her about her abrupt departure without even saying goodbye.

For years they couldn't find out where their older friend had ventured off to. Cid had no idea where she left after she signed her resignation, and no one else seemed to know either. After the fifth year Zell and Irvine gave up helping the girls find any trace of Quistis.

But then, Rinoa finally found out where Quistis was, in Esthar. She tried to get a hold of everyone, especially Selphie, but they were all away on missions. So Rinoa decided she would go and visit Quistis herself. Esthar was a big city, but luckily the magazine showed a picture of Quistis' home. With the computer, Rinoa was able to zoom in on one of the corners of the picture and she was able to read the nearby street sign behind the house that gave the street name. Then with the numbers on the house, Rinoa had her address.

Finally, the train stopped. A woman announced on the intercom that they had arrived to Esthar. Inhaling deeply, Rinoa stood up, grabbed her bag, and stepped out of her compartment.

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Rinoa stood several feet away from Quistis' house. She glanced at the picture in the magazine again. Her hands were shaking with nervousness as she inched closer to the door. Suddenly she wondered if this would truly be Quistis' house, and not just some random house the magazine just placed in the article.

_Just knock, that'll be the only way you'll find out_, Rinoa thought. As she got closer to the door she analyzed the home. It was small, but nice. The other homes were just as small. Every lawn showed off perfectly cut green grass. Beautiful flowers littered most homes, some had vehicles while the majority lacked them, as did Quistis' apparent home. As Rinoa carefully stepped on the small path of walking stones that crossed the yard she heard child laughter. Glancing behind her she saw a small group of boys chasing each other a short distance away.

Rinoa pressed the doorbell and eagerly waited. Her palms became sweaty and she never felt her heart beat so rapidly. The door opened and revealed a pale face that Rinoa hadn't seen in years. Tears began to moisten her brown eyes, she lost control of herself and she suddenly fell forward and grabbed Quistis in a fierce hug.

"Quistis!" Rinoa whispered.

The taller woman didn't know what to do, or say. One moment she was relaxing on her bed and reading a book. Then she opens the door, expecting her son to return with dirty clothes and dirt on his face, instead, she's face to face with Rinoa. She only hoped Selphie wouldn't appear, she didn't think she could bear one of the bubbly girls bear hugs.

After a long moment, Rinoa pulled back and wiped her eyes with the back of her hands, they had gotten a little teary. Quistis continued to stand without as much as smiling.

"Quistis." Rinoa choked. She honestly never thought she would _cry_, but there was just something about finally being able to see her friend after ten years that got her a little emotional. "Wh-why did you just leave? Why didn't you tell us?"

Finally, Quistis snapped out of her shock-like-trance and guiltily stared at the floor. "Is it just you?" Rinoa nodded. Quistis took a step back and gestured for the shorter woman to step inside.

The shorter woman eagerly stepped inside to cool house. The room she stood in was the living room. A small leather couch hugged the wall and a reclining chair sat beside a large window. There was a small corner table between the recliner and the couch, in the corner, with a large lamp and a thick, small book under it. A television stood opposite the couch, but the screen was black.

To the left of Rinoa was the dining room, a small dark wooden table and four matching chairs. A center piece of a basket with fresh fruit gave Rinoa's stomach a slight cramp. She hadn't eaten since she left Garden and a delicious smell arose from the kitchen. Rinoa inhaled deeply, it was a pie.

"Have a seat." Quistis said suddenly, she shut the door behind her and gestured to the dining table. "I'll get some tea."

The sorceress complied and wedged a chair out from under the table. She sat and placed her purse by her feet. The kitchen connected to the dining room. It was small with a sparkling silver refrigerator, and a stove with a matching color. The counters were wooden colored and the tops colored black. The cabinets matched the brown color of the counters. Rinoa saw Quistis reach into the oven and pull out a large pie. Mouth watering, Rinoa turned her attention to the large window in the living room, the sky was dimming.

Quistis returned and placed a tall glass of cold tea in front of Rinoa.

"Thank you." The shorter woman smiled. She lifted the glass immediately and took a long drink.

Quistis sat opposite of her after she set a small plate of thin cookies between them. "So why did you come? After all this time?"

Rinoa helped herself to a cookie and nibbled on it. She glared at Quistis for a split second. "You just left without saying goodbye."

The blonde shrugged. "I had my reasons." She took a sip of her tea.

Rinoa placed her cookie down. "How can you say that? You just...left! We thought.." She slapped her hand on the table in anger. Regretting her loss of emotions, she mumbled an apology. "We thought perhaps you were angry with us. But when the days turned into weeks, and months into years...we thought something may have–um–happened to you."

Quistis lowered her eyes. She did feel guilty about suddenly shunning her friends. Every night she felt guilty about it, even now. Now, suddenly seeing Rinoa brought mixed emotions. Joy, guilt, fear. Joy for seeing Rinoa after so many years, and for seeing she was healthy, and for the wedding ring on her finger. She didn't need to ask whom she was married to. Guilt was from leaving her friends and worrying them. Fear for Rinoa finding out about Laramie.

"Quistis?" Rinoa asked softly. Her brown eyes were wide with worry.

"Huh?" The blonde muttered.

"Why did you leave? Did something happen?"

Quistis looked at the table again. How would she tell her? She couldn't tell her. What if Rinoa and Squall already had a family? No doubt they must have children already. She couldn't bear to cause any disturbances in their happy life.

"Quistis?" The tone in Rinoa's voice shook slightly. Her eyebrows knitted together. She was feeling frustrated, yet terrified at the same time. "What happened?"

Memories flooded back. The feeling of fear and guilt, the desire to abandon her happy life, her home. Quistis shook her head lightly. "Nothing happened. I just...left."

Rinoa gripped her glass. "You couldn't have just woken up one morning and decided you wanted to leave and ignore us!"

Quistis couldn't look into her eyes. She didn't want to tell Rinoa, Squall perhaps, but not Rinoa. It felt too awkward.

Rinoa sighed. She leaned back against her chair and stared sadly at her older friend. Her stomach tightened, not from hunger, but from worry. What could have happened to make Quistis leave? The question had been burned into everyone's heads for years. Sometimes it felt like Quistis was dead. Even though Rinoa wasn't as close to Quistis, as the others were due to their childhood, it still hurt to lose a friend.

She could still remember that day. The day Squall and the others were assigned to assassinate Edea. Quistis scolded her for her foolishness and her belief in a childish myth, the bracelet. But later Quistis abandoned her duty as a SeeD and returned to apologize.

A thought erupted. Perhaps if Rinoa looked around the house she may find clues as to why Quistis left.

"Could I use your bathroom?" She asked.

Quistis nodded. "Down the hall. Second door to your left."

"Thank you." Rinoa stood and watched Quistis as she headed for the hall. When she was out of Quistis' line of sight, the blonde sighed and pressed her hands against her eyes.

The hall was short, but long. To her right, beside the kitchen, was a room with several bookshelves lining the walls. The floor was carpeted to match the pale walls, and a desk and computer stood before a small window. A smile crept on Rinoa's face. She knew Quistis couldn't be without a library of some sort. The books varied from fictional stories of fantasy, sci-fi, and romance to non-fiction and books of GF's, blue magic, monsters, fighting techniques, weapons, etc.

Rinoa left the room and glanced into the room at the end of the hall. The room was large, the walls were painted a slight color between beige and pink. A warm looking double bed sat in the center of the room, against the wall. Opposite it was a tall dresser, beside it was a small desk with a large, oval mirror. A bathroom connected to the room, beside the closet to the right of the bed.

Leaving, Rinoa turned and found the bathroom Quistis had instructed her to go to. Was she taking too long to explore the house? She just hoped Quistis wouldn't come in to search for her, but she was done looking anyway.

She entered the living room again, but then stopped abruptly. There was a room before the bathroom. She should have just ignored it, it was most likely just another room. But then she remembered there was something different about the room that felt out of place. First thing she remembered about it was the colors. When she passed it, the room had too many colors.

Walking backwards, Rinoa peeked in quickly. Eyebrows knitting together, she couldn't stop herself from entering the room. The first object she saw was a bunk bed. A bed was absent from the bottom and a small couch substituted it. Beside the bunk bed was a large, bare window, like the one in the living room, only it didn't have any curtains. A small telescope stood before the window. To the left of the door was a small desk and chair, there was no computer, but the desk was littered with papers.

Whatever was written on them Rinoa paid no attention. Instead, her eyes focused on what was mounted on the wall, opposite the closet, to her left: a gunblade. Her hand stretched to touch it, but instead of feeling cold metal she felt only plastic. It was a toy. Frowning, Rinoa looked down and saw a smaller version of a hover board Zell always rode on. It was a child's room.

A large smile grew on Rinoa's face. There was only one explanation, Quistis had a child. A boy most likely, judging by the slight mess of the room. Still smiling, Rinoa stepped out of the room and into the living room. Quistis was still seated, hunched and with her hands still on her face.

"Quistis." Rinoa said excitedly.

The door suddenly opened. Quistis sat up straight and her face melted into a warmer expression.

"Mom!"

Rinoa watched eagerly. A boy's voice echoed in the house as the door opened. The sunlight shone inside, behind the small figure at the doorframe, creating a shadow over the boy's face. He stepped inside and shut the door behind him.

Rinoa's eyes widened. Her smile faded.

The small boy smiled as he said, "I'm home," but he immediately saw Rinoa's presence. His face became hard and stern, expressionless almost, and he quickly stepped behind Quistis, as if shielding her from what Rinoa could do to her from the hall.

"Who are you?" The boy asked, his eyebrows connecting, his face turning into a frown.

Rinoa could only stare silently. As small and young the boy was, he looked so much like Squall it scared her. His hair color was the same shade, even the same haircut, except a little shorter. The facial structure, the line of his jaw, the shape of his nose, his cheekbones, even his frown was identical to Squall's. The only difference, besides his height, was the absence of a scar between his eyebrows and his eye's were sky blue, just like Quistis'.

Quistis stood up. She rested her hand on the boy's shoulder. "Rinoa." Sighing softly, Quistis kept her eyes locked on the younger woman's. "This is my son, Laramie. He's also..."

Bile rose in Rinoa's throat, but she swallowed hard several times to compose herself. Her chest felt tight. She almost didn't want to finish hearing the sentence, but she had to _speak_ it to confirm it, to believe it.

"Squall's son?"

Quistis nodded.

Rinoa felt lightheaded. _No, it's a joke. It can't be_ _true_.

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	4. Guardian

Tears of Love

Chapter IV "Guardian"

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Rinoa stared. She half expected Quistis and the young boy to start laughing and say it was only a joke. But Quistis is never one to joke. Zell and Selphie, probably, but never Quistis. Her throat felt dry, she couldn't swallow the lump that formed, and she felt light headed.

The shorter woman had to place a slim hand against the wall to steady herself. Her body felt cold, but her face felt warm. Then she felt her cheeks grow cold from the tears that stained them.

Quistis frowned. She pulled Laramie so he would face her. On one knee Quistis smiled at him. "Why don't you go and wash up while I speak with my old friend."

Laramie's face scrunched in disappointment. He gazed at Rinoa for a moment longer. There was something about her that he just didn't like, she made him feel uneasy. And he definitely didn't want to leave his mother with her. Sighing, Laramie nodded and headed for the washroom.

Rinoa snapped out of her trance when she heard the shower turn on from the bathroom behind her. Her chest felt tight. More tears slid down her pale skin. The reason for her tears was due to what felt like betrayal.

Quistis immediately read Rinoa's face. "He didn't cheat on you."

Rinoa looked up at the blonde woman. She desperately searched in her sky blue eyes for any sign of lies. When she found none Rinoa breathed easier.

"Sit."

Rinoa obeyed and joined Quistis at the table again. She reached for her glass of tea and lifted it to her dry lips, her hand shook.

_Where to begin_, Quistis thought, _this isn't how I wanted to break the news. _In all honesty Quistis felt terrified. She always knew that someday she would have to face her past lies, but she wasn't expecting for it to be so sudden.

"When?" Rinoa finally choked out. "When did–you and Squall–"

Quistis sighed sadly. "It was such a long time ago." She massaged her eyes. To her it felt like last week. Most nights she still dreams of that moment Squall held her close, his arms keeping her warm. She shook her head to rid of the memories. "Remember when you and Squall separated for a few weeks?"

Rinoa frowned. After a moment she finally remembered the one and only time she and Squall broke up. "Oh...yeah."

Quistis nodded. Her chest was feeling tighter. "After about two weeks, it just...happened."

"Something like that doesn't just happen." Rinoa snapped. She bit her tongue and wished she didn't just suddenly say that.

"I could say the same with Seifer and yourself."

Rinoa cringed. "That was a mistake."

Quistis shook her head. "Regardless of the reason, I'm not here to judge you Rinoa. Squall was devastated. He wouldn't sleep, eat, he did nothing! He would just lock himself up in his room. So I started to take him some meals, and one day he invited me in, he confessed about what happened between you, and from there..."

Rinoa now understood. The reason why Quistis left Garden was to keep her son, _Squall's_ son, a secret. Then she suddenly felt critically queasy. Did that mean Squall knew? Exactly on the fourth week she and Squall got back together. Was it him that forced Quistis to leave Garden so she wouldn't find out? Rinoa quickly grabbed her tea and chugged the rest of it to keep herself from getting sick.

"Squall doesn't know, Rinoa."

Hearing her name, the younger woman looked into Quistis' eyes. She was telling the truth. Feeling relieved again, and all queasiness nullified, Rinoa placed her empty glass on the table and sat up straighter. "Why didn't you tell him? Do the others know?"

Quistis shook her head. "I wanted to tell him. I _was_ going to tell him. But the day I was going to you...showed up."

Feeling guilty again, Rinoa gagged. Nausea was resurfacing.

"I know how much you mean to him, Rinoa. He loves you." Quistis' lower lip felt shaky and her chest felt congested and painful. She looked down at her shaking hands. "He's always loved you, and always will. When he felt betrayed by you, he was just on the rebound. It was his way of getting back at you."

Rinoa scoffed.

Quistis forced herself to face Rinoa again. "I knew that if I told Squall anyway about getting pregnant it would only create more problems between you. I couldn't do that, not after you both worked through your problems, I didn't want to bring another one. If...if you had left Squall again, perhaps even permanently, I don't know what he would have done to himself. I was scared for him, you're everything to him."

Rinoa felt fresh tears fall down her cheeks. She hiccuped. There was still a deep stab of guilt in her though. If she didn't betray Squall, none of this would have happened. Quistis wouldn't have had to leave her life and hide, Squall wouldn't have suffered from her betrayal, but then Laramie wouldn't exist.

"I couldn't tell the others either. They wouldn't be able to hold such a secret against Squall. I just had to leave." Quistis stopped to wet her throat with some tea.

Rinoa looked up again. "What about Laramie? Does he know about Squall?"

Quistis nodded. "Yes, I've told him who his father is. It's been hard for him growing up without a father, but he's also grown proud and strong, but also bitter. He's proud of not needing a father, but he has some resentment against Squall."

"Why?"

"I explained the situation...how I helped Squall find some form of revenge relief, and the reason for my decision to leave my home. And so he has a resentment against Squall for...well, using me." Quistis licked her lips. Her ears strained to hear if the shower was still on, it was.

Rinoa wanted nothing more than to face time compression again. She had no idea of the damage she caused. Sure she simply thought Squall just brooded in his room, but to use Quistis in such a way. And worse, for her to be accepting of it.

Then it hit her. She could remember it now. Years ago, when she just moved into Balamb after the Ultimecia crises, there were rumors circulating of a love triangle between herself, Squall, and Quistis. Rinoa approached Squall about the rumors but he denied any feelings between himself and Quistis. She never asked Quistis, and she showed no signs of any attraction to Squall. So Rinoa easily dismissed the rumors.

If Quistis did have feelings for Squall, then Rinoa could see why she would accept being used by Squall. If she were in Quistis' shoes Rinoa would want _any_ attention from the man she loved, even if his feelings were only blinded by lust for revenge.

Rinoa tilted her chin up. "Did...did you love Squall?"

Quistis' eyes widened slightly. Such a question coming from Squall's _wife_ felt very out of place. Chewing on her lip and squirming in her seat, Quistis tried to find some way out of answering the question.

"Quistis?"

Sighing mentally, the blonde nodded. "Yes. I...I still love him." Then she laughed bitterly. "I've always tried to convince myself that I don't love him. I even tried to convince both him and I that my feelings were nothing more than a...a sisterly love. Even now, I still can't...get over the feeling. I've moved on but...I still..."

Rinoa sniffed. What kind of person was she? If Quistis always had feelings for Squall, why didn't she notice it before? Suddenly she felt like _she_ was the traitor. The ring on her finger felt like it was starting to burn.

Quistis laughed again, not bitterly, but sadly. "Forget me. My life is dedicated to my son now. I have no need for love."

"No!" Rinoa exclaimed. She slapped both her hands onto the smooth table. "Quistis...I...you can't...just give up on love."

The older woman's shoulders slumped. "I haven't given up on it. I still wish for the day that I can wake up and not want to be with a happy, married man. To get over him is really all I want, and I haven't given up on love. I love Laramie with all my heart. There are different kinds of love that we need in life. Raising my son is all that I need."

Whipping her tears, Rinoa smiled. At first she thought she would hate Laramie. Hate him for not being _her_ and Squall's son, but she knew hating a child for such a thing that cannot be helped was beyond stupid. She was glad Quistis found peace with herself with Laramie.

"I'm sorry Quistis."

"Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong."

Rinoa opened her mouth to argue, but what could she say? She still felt guilty, but the smile on Quistis' face said she was at peace with her.

"Looks like we have a lot to catch up on." Quistis said.

Rinoa nodded, but then she remembered she had a train ready to leave. As stupid as she felt, she thought she would only need to visit Esthar for a few hours to find Quistis and drag her back to Balamb. "I really, really wish I could stay but my train leaves in an hour. I...wasn't expecting to stay long. Everyone's gone and come back tomorrow morning, if I'm missing Squ–err, everyone will panic."

Quistis nodded. "I understand, another time then."

"Yes, definitely another time. Perhaps you and Laramie can come?" Rinoa's eyes brightened. "Everyone _really_ misses you."

Quistis chewed on her lip. She would rather sit down privately with Squall to tell him the news. She didn't want him to find out at the same time with the rest of Balamb Garden. "I'll...think about it."

"Aw, come on." Rinoa pouted. "You don't have to move back, just...come visit some time."

Sighing, Quistis nodded. "Okay, maybe not tomorrow. But...soon."

"I hope not another ten years." Rinoa laughed softly as she sat up. Quistis led her to the door, but Rinoa stopped suddenly. Ever since she first laid eyes on Laramie, and how much of Squall she saw in him, there was more than just the thought of betrayal. There was sorrow and grief. When she looked into Laramie's eyes, she was disappointed, sad, that she saw Quistis' eyes instead.

"Quistis...Squall _will _want to see Laramie. He's his only son." Rinoa's voice trembled slightly.

The blonde nodded. "I know. Whenever he wants to come...just give me a heads up. I don't want to drop the bombshell on Laramie."

"No...I mean that..." Rinoa now chewed on her lip. "Squall and I have been...not so successful in making a family."

"What do you mean?" Quistis hated asking, as she had a hint of what Rinoa was trying to say.

"For years we've tried to start a family, and when I went to a doctor..._they_ don't know why but I just...can't have children. At first I thought it was probably because of, you know, my special abilities." Rinoa sighed. "But now I just think this is my punishment, Squall's and mine for what we did to you and Laramie."

Quistis frowned. "Don't blame yourself. Or Squall. Please just...don't blame yourselves. This is no one's fault. Laramie is happy. I'm happy. You and Squall are happy too."

Rinoa shook her head. "We've been thinking of adopting, but I know Squall would love children of his own. Have a family he wished he had when he grew up. He _will_ want to see Laramie."

Dread filled Quistis' turning stomach. She knew she would have to face him one day. She wasn't going to chicken out now. "I understand. I'll talk to Laramie about it."

Rinoa hugged Quistis. She felt the taller woman stiffen for a short moment when her arms wrapped around her, but she eased and returned the hug. Quistis pulled back first. A warm smile grew on her lips.

"I just have one question." She asked.

"Yes?" Rinoa replied.

"How did you find out I was here? After all these years."

Rinoa laughed. She reached into her bag and pulled out the magazine and showed it to Quistis.

The blonde winced and groaned. _Of all magazines she had a subscription to_.

Rinoa placed the magazine back in her purse and wrung the strap on her shoulder. "Expect Squall soon."

Quistis nodded again. "Give me two weeks."

"Right." After one last hug, Rinoa stepped out of the house and headed for the train station. Once she was in the comfort of a private compartment, Rinoa slammed her back against the wall and slid to the floor. She pulled her legs up to her chest and wrapped her head around her arms. Besides the increasing feeling of guilt, there was something in the pit of her stomach that worried her. She had horrid feeling in the pit of her gut that increased with every passing second. It made her feel that something terrible was going to happen.

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Quistis was washing the dishes when Laramie poked his head in.

"Mom, who was that lady?" Laramie asked, his face was barely taller than the counter he stood behind.

Quistis placed the final glass in the cabinet before grabbing two plates with a piece of pie on each. "Oh, she's just a friend of mine. We met at Garden."

Laramie walked into the kitchen and poured some milk into two glasses and joined his mother at the table. His mouth was watering and his stomach gave a slight growl. He eagerly shoved large chunks of the pie into his mouth.

Quistis giggled. "Laramie, chew one piece at a time. I will not have you eat like your grandfather."

Laramie smiled with his cheeks bulging. "Buff yor pi isth–"

"Swallow your food before talking."

"But your pie is so good."

Quistis smiled. She sat quietly as she watched Laramie wolf down the rest of his pie. She would tell him about meeting Squall in the morning. "I bet you are eager to practice again. You need to work on your aim."

Laramie's face beamed. "Can I mom?"

"Sure, just be back before it gets dark."

The small boy jumped out of his chair, placed his dishes in the sink, and sprinted to Quistis' room. Then he sprinted back to the table to give Quistis a peck on the cheek before running out of the house.

With Save The Queen tightly gripped in his hands, he excitedly stood in front of the small tree that stood in the front yard. He walked up to a short branch and pulled out some small figurines from his pocket. He neatly placed them in a side by side line on the branch before backing up a few paces.

The gold weapon felt heavy in his hands, but he worked well with it. Quistis taught him how to hold it, spin the whip above his head, beside his body, how to hurl it forward, grab something, and then pulling it back to cause the most damage. He still had difficulty hitting his targets, but that's why he was out practicing. He loved practicing with the very weapon that took down Ultimecia.

Laramie lifted the whip and twirled the long chain above his head for two spins before he lashed it forward and tried to aim for the branch that held all the toys. Instead, the whip wrapped around a higher branch and snapped when he pulled the handle of the weapon. He also had a difficult time unwrapping the whip from a distance.

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_Of all places_, Squall thought,_ it had to be in _Esthar.

Sighing, Squall bypassed a small group of children playing "hide-n-seek" and felt relieved that none of them recognized him. Then again, after ten years most people eventually got over the "Ultimecia hero's" and moved on. Shaking his head, Squall pulled his thoughts back to why he was facing a small home in his least favorite city. He can still remember the look on Rinoa's face when he returned from his mission. She was pale looked like she was ill, she looked worse than when the doctors told her that she would be unwilling to have children.

"You have a son." She said. "That night you were with Quistis."

That was all she had to say. Squall immediately left and used the Ragnorak to get to Esthar. By the late afternoon, he was now face to face with the door to Quistis' house. At least he thought it was her house. A part of him wished this was some sort of sick joke, there would be hell to pay by whoever was in charge of the joke, but he would still be much more relieved. The thought of having a son was unbelievable. He couldn't believe it until he saw his child with his own eyes.

Heart beating quicker than a hummingbirds, Squall rang the doorbell. After a moment the door swung backward. Looking up, Squall finally looked at a face he hadn't seen in a decade.

"Quistis." Squall mumbled. His voice was hoarse due to his sudden dry throat.

His ex-instructor hadn't changed much over the years. Her hair was still bright, but she ditched the clips and left her hair down. Her face hadn't changed, she still looked young. She was _still_ young, only at the age of 29. But her eyes were different. Before, Squall remembered they were the exact color as the sky. Now, they looked paler, almost gray.

Quistis stood speechless. She tried to say Squall's name in return, but her voice failed her. Her tongue stuck to her upper palate. Her hands and knees shook and for a moment she thought she would faint. She told Rinoa to give her two weeks! Anger flared through her for an instant, but then it evaporated as quickly as it came. She couldn't blame Rinoa. Squall most likely flew here the first moment Rinoa said "child".

She quickly analyzed him. He looked older. His face was more mature, and he had a five o'clock shadow growing. His hair was cut shorter, his clothes no longer composed of a dozen belts, leather or a fur collared coat. The scar between his eyebrows was barely visible, it had faded.

"Can I come in?" He asked suddenly. It was a stupid question, but it was hot outside. And he wanted to see his son more than anything else.

Quistis moved aside to let Squall in. The smell of his hair, the slight touch of his arm on her shoulder brought vivid images in her head. Wincing, she shut the door and shook her head.

Squall stood in the center of the living room and glanced around. The house was quiet. "Where's my son?"

Quistis stiffened. She couldn't look Squall in the eyes. She kept hers fixed on the carpet.

"I do have a son, right?" Squall asked bitterly. "This isn't some sick joke?"

Again, Quistis' voice failed. Her mouth opened, but no sound would escape. She needed at least two weeks for a reason. She mostly needed them for herself. She needed to prepare herself before seeing Squall again. All night she couldn't sleep, she stayed up imagining how their encounter would be. All night she planned what she would say, how to say it, everything. Now she forgot everything.

Squall grew slightly agitated. "Do I have a child, or not?"

Quistis nodded.

His heart leapt. So this wasn't a joke. For a moment he nearly smiled, but he still wanted to see his son first. He was eager to see what he looked like. Did he look like himself? Or did he look more like Quistis? How tall was he? What did he like to do? What was his favorite food, his favorite show, sport, drink, anything, everything. Squall felt more thirsty for facts about his son instead of water.

"Where is he?" He asked.

Quistis licked her lips before shaking her head. "He's not here right now."

Squall frowned. Then he remembered it was Saturday. No doubt his son would be out and about playing with friends. Then he remembered the group of children that were playing outside. Was his son among them? He brushed aside Quistis and opened the door. He searched the neighborhood, but the children had vanished.

Shutting the door, Squall turned to face Quistis again. She still had yet to do much as blink.

"Quistis." He said sternly.

Finally, the blonde woman snapped out of her trance and faced Squall. For a moment they simply looked at each other. Until Squall broke the silence. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Quistis looked down again. Why wasn't her voice obeying her?

Squall's agitation increased. "Did you think I would run off? Deny that I was the father?"

Quistis shook her head.

"Then why didn't you tell me?"

More silence.

"Wait, let me guess. Was there some kind of rule against pregnancy in Garden and something, and were you kicked out of Garden?" Squall's voice reeked of sarcasm.

"Because–" Quistis whispered. "Did, did Rinoa tell you why?"

Squall shook his head.

Inhaling deeply, Quistis contined, "I...didn't want to tell you because...well I _was _going to tell you." Quistis hugged herself. She suddenly felt cold. "The day that I found out was the same day Rinoa and you got back together."

Squall winced.

"I didn't want to...stir up any more problems. You had just gotten back, decided to work out your problems, and I was just afraid that this one would...create a permanent distance between you both."

Squall scoffed. Deeply, he knew Quistis meant well. But it still angered him that she would keep such a secret from him. "What right did you have to strip me from being with my own child?"

Quistis frowned. "Squall, I didn't mean–"

"If Rinoa and I were able to set aside our problems to be together again, don't you think we would do the same in this case?"

Technically, Quistis did think of that possibility, but she didn't want to risk it at the time. "I just didn't want...Rinoa to hurt you again."

Squall laughed. He gripped his hair. He didn't think it possible, but never had Quistis made him want to scream. He was overreacting, he admitted it, but it couldn't be helped. For the past few months he and Rinoa have had their share of problems, his missions were becoming too time consuming, and when he returns home he's suddenly told that he has a ten year old son. All he wanted was to meet him. He didn't want to hear Quistis' excuses.

"Okay, okay. Fine. I don't care for your reasons, Quistis, I just want to see my son." Squall never was a pushy one, but when he is angry he's prone to wording out his thoughts.

"I told you, he's not here right now. He's out playing."

"Then can't you get him? You've had him for ten years, I think I deserve to spend time with him now." Squall cursed mentally. He didn't mean to say that out loud. What was wrong with him? He hated losing control of his own mouth.

Quistis' gaze lowered. "Squall, I'm sorry."

Inhaling deeply, Squall tried to calm himself. Nothing would be done if his anger got the best of him. "Don't be. The past is the past. Listen, this is still a huge shock for me. A part of me still isn't convinced that _we_ have a son. But I really, really want to see him."

Quistis nodded. "I understand. But he'll be here shortly. The sun is setting, and that's when he returns. Why don't...you sit and wait?"

Squall nodded in defeat. He would have to wait. He sat on the couch and stared out the window. What would he do once he met his child? Did he know he existed? Did he believe his father was someone else?

Quistis sat next to him and answered the very questions that ran through his head. Squall felt better, happy even. It eased some of the tensions in his head. "What's his name?"

"Laramie." Quistis responded. "I gave him my last name. I would give him yours, but people might've placed the puzzle pieces together."

Squall nodded. Laramie. He liked it. With a name, he could finally picture what he would look like. He ached to ask Quistis to explain his physical features, but he really would rather see for himself.

"Quistis." Squall said calmly. "I know this is still a shock for the both of us, but I would really like it if we could spend some time together. Laramie and I."

The blonde nodded. "Of course! But, just as long as he's home by ten thirty."

"No." Squall interrupted. "I mean longer."

Quistis frowned. How much longer? "What do you mean? How long?"

Squall rubbed his faded scar. "I just have this feeling that I won't want to leave his side. I want to get to know him. I have a lot to catch up on. And I'm going to need more than a couple of hours."

Quistis' heart sunk. "You mean you want to take him to Balamb Garden with you?"

Squall nodded. "Just for a couple of days maybe? Its all I could think about on the way here. I have my life at Garden, yours is here. I just..."

Sadness tore at her chest. Quistis' whole life was Laramie. She couldn't stand the thought of him leaving. Sure it would be one thing when he grew up and moved out of the house to live on his own, but for him to leave now was just painful. Why couldn't Squall stay in Esthar for a while? The new school year had yet to start, Squall could take Laramie all over the city. He didn't have to take Laramie to Garden.

Then her mind wandered. What if Squall took Laramie and refused to give him back? He already admitted the feeling of never wanting to leave Laramie's side. Or worse, what if Laramie didn't want to come back? Would he see Rinoa as a more suitable mother than her? At Garden he would have a mother and father. He could become a SeeD, an ambition he gave up.

Dread filled Quistis, along with fear. She stood up. She was never one to gamble, and she didn't want to risk losing Laramie. "I'm sorry Squall, but I can't let you take him."

Squall frowned. He too stood up. "Why is that? Are you sparing my relationship with Rinoa again?" His anger was returning. "Haven't you stripped me from my son enough? You never gave me the chance to be there! I couldn't be there when he was born, when he started to walk, when he started school, nothing! I just want to spend a little time with him, but that's too much to ask for?"

Quistis winced and took a step backwards. She never saw Squall get this angry. When she looked into his eyes they were red, dark circles were lining his eyes, and worry lines on his forehead. He looked exhausted. She couldn't blame him for his anger, he deserved to be angry after everything she took from him. She was no better than Rinoa.

"Quistis, answer me!"

The ex-SeeD looked up. "What?"

Squall hissed through his teeth. His body was filling with adrenaline. His limbs ached to either stretch or smash something. He still couldn't understand why he was getting so angry. "Why won't you let me take him?"

Quistis licked her lips. "What if you don't give him back?

Squall laughed again. "You don't trust me? Of course I'll bring him back."

"What if _he_ doesn't want to come back?

Squall frowned. "Where are you going with this?"

Quistis couldn't take it anymore. She was emotionally exhausted and she collapsed on the couch. Tears poured out of her eyes. She knew that if Laramie was happy with Squall and Rinoa at Balamb then she wouldn't stand in the way, or she shouldn't at least. It's just like her decision of why she kept Laramie a secret in the first place. She loved Squall, still did deep down, and his happiness was more important than her own.

But why couldn't she put aside her own feelings for Laramie's happiness? Then it made sense. She never had Squall to begin with, so it was easier to sacrifice her own feelings for his happiness. But Laramie was her son. She raised him, loved him, he was her life. He was all she had left, the only part of Squall she had. Without him, Quistis wouldn't be able to function normally. She'd be beyond heart broken. She knew Laramie wouldn't abandon her, but she just couldn't let him go, even for a few days.

Suddenly Squall grabbed her by her shoulders. His grip wasn't tight, it was gentle and warm. She was still crying.

"Quistis, listen to me, please."

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Laramie pulled the whip back and heard a satisfying crack. He was finally getting better at his aim. If he was calm enough, he could hit his mark. The sun was setting, which was his cue to get back home. As he walked closer to the front door of his house he heard a male voice from within. Frowning, he stepped inside.

His body froze at the scene he walked into. His mother sat on the couch, tears falling down her face, which was something he never saw. Never had he ever seen his mother cry. A tall man kneeled before her with his hands gripping her shoulders.

"You're hurting me, ouch!" Quistis cried.

"Listen to me, damn it!"

Anger surged through Laramie. He wouldn't stand by and watch a stranger hurt his mother and reduce her to tears. His grip on Save The Queen tightened. Instinct kicked in him and he uncoiled the whip. He aimed for the man's arm that still gripped onto his mother's shoulders. He heard the soft noise the whip makes when the whip wraps around something, and instantly pulled the handle of the weapon back until he heard a crack followed by a thud.

Looking up, Laramie smiled when he saw the man laid on the floor in front of his mother's feet. He walked toward the stranger and looked down at him and frowned.

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Squall's neck move and he couldn't move his body. One moment he was trying to break Quistis out of her crying fit and the next he felt something wrap around his neck and pull back with frightening strength. He heard a crack before he hit the floor. No doubt his neck was broken. His body felt cold and his vision was starting to darken.

Movement caught his attention in the upper corner of his eye. He strained his eyes to look and suddenly felt like he was looking in a mirror. Was he hallucinating? No, whoever he was looking at wasn't Squall. The figure was too young. But the similarities were identical. Squall felt like he was staring at his younger self. It was Laramie, it had to be. Squall wanted to smile, but he couldn't even move his facial muscles. He was feeling numb. Then, he was engulfed in the darkness.

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Laramie frowned as he noticed the man stopped moving. His eyes didn't blink, he simply stared. Wait, Laramie soon recognized the man. It was his father. Although he's never seen a picture of his father, his mother always told him that he looked just like his father. No doubt it was him. But what was he doing here at their home? Why was he hurting his mother?

His attention turned to his mother that burst into a louder sob. She stared at Squall's body with her hands over her mouth. She almost sounded like she was screaming slightly.

"Mom? What's wrong with him?"

Quistis looked at Laramie. Although he understood what death was, obviously he had never seen it. And with Squall's eyes staring at the ceiling Laramie only thought he was still alive. But Squall's chest stopped moving, and Quistis heard the crack of his neck before he fell onto the ground. She knew he was dead, and there was no way of bringing him back.

Quistis jumped to her feet and pulled Laramie away from the body. She got on both her knees and squeezed Laramie close to her, as if afraid he would be pulled away by an unknown force.

Laramie didn't understand what was going on, or why his mother continued to cry and mutter "everything will be okay". He also didn't understand why he felt sad, there was no reason for him to feel that way, but his body automatically cried.

"Mom, what's wrong?" He asked.

Quistis rocked him slightly. "Nothing, everything will be fine. Everything is going to be okay."

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Everything wasn't going to be okay. Laramie accidently killed his own father and didn't know it. He was always bad at aiming with the whip. No doubt he tried to aim for Squall's arms, but instead got his neck.

Quistis could feel Laramie's tears stain her shirt. He was terrified. Her cries grew heavier. She couldn't bare to think what would happen to him. Despite Laguna's position, not even he could bend the law for them. Murder was murder, and Quistis would rather take the blame than let her son go to jail. He protected her. He always protected her. It was her turn now. It's her weapon, she had the motive, she just had to admit to the murder.

Still, she hated the plan. Even though she would protect him from jail, he would still have to grow up without father and now a mother.

_Dear Hyne, help us. Help him. _

Quistis just continued to hold Laramie tight, it would be the last time.

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A/N: I am terribly, terribly sorry for the _long_ delay of this chapter. To sort of make up for the wait I put two chapters into one. And I apologize in advance if Squall and Quistis seemed out of character, I've really tried to explain the motive for their behavior. If I failed to deliver I apologize. I promise the next chapter will not be delayed. Yes there _is_ another chapter. This is **not** the last one.


	5. Pressentiment

Tears of Love

Chapter V "Pressentiment"

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Quistis' body jumped. She felt herself sit upright and her eyes opened. Her window was bare with no curtains, yet no sunlight shone through it. It was still early and too dark to see her watch. Her body shook, not from coldness, but from the memory of what happened a few hours ago.

She couldn't sleep. _How_ could she sleep with Squall lying dead in her living room. Laramie slept with her that night and she could feel his warm body next to hers. He was snoring slightly.

_At least he can sleep_, Quistis thought as she smiled. But her smile faded as she realized something different about her bed. Her bed is a king size and the mattress is very soft. But the one she felt under her was much harder, and she felt herself being pressed against the wall. Her bed was in the center of the room, and far away from any wall. The room was still too dark to see so Quistis placed her hands to her left where she felt the wall. _This is strange_.

Within moments a faint sunlight penetrated the thick darkness in the room. Quistis frowned as she realized she wasn't in her room. The walls were a dull white and the bed she sat on wasn't her own, but a much harder single bed. With her heart beating faster, Quistis turned to look at Laramie. She grew a bit calmer when she saw his hair sticking out from under the covers.

Then something else felt different. Quistis felt the bed sheets press against her entire frame. Lifting the sheet, Quistis' eyes widened as she stared at her naked body. It didn't take long for her to put two and two together.

Quistis glanced to her right, to where Laramie slept, but grew horrified when she saw a grown, naked, man sleeping next to her. It wasn't Laramie. It was Squall. This wasn't Quistis' room, nor in her home. She was back in Squall's bed in his dorm.

Confusion swept Quistis. Her head felt dizzy and was beginning to hurt. Was everything a dream? She couldn't believe all of _that_ was a dream. She remembered everything too vividly. How could she have slept ten years worth of her life?

Quistis was on the brink of hyperventilating. She couldn't believe anything that was happening. But then she wondered if _this_ was just a dream.

Then the phone rang. Squalls mumbled groggily as he stretched his hand to the nightstand and grab the phone. Quistis watched with her eyes still wide open.

"Rinoa?" Squall asked as he sat up quickly. He either didn't realize or forgot Quistis sat next to him. All of his attention was the person on the other line.

Quistis felt ill. She kept pinching and biting her tongue, hoping that pain would wake her up from this dream. When nothing worked, Quistis confirmed, horridly, that this wasn't a dream. Everything was happening again.

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The End

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